What was the Question? IT’S EASY TO DIE THAN TO LIVE?

It's been so long that I opened my page and write on something. I've been busy for several DAYS that I may not be able to elaborate more here. Now that I have a chance to write on something here in my BLOG and been connected again to the CYBER WORLD. I immediately opened my PC to check on my emails and messages from my friends and my family. I feel so disconnected from the world and seems that I've been cut off from any connection for several days. When I return, I feel so lost and feel being left behind.

This day, as I opened my television to watch a movie I was bored as I never stopped on scanning channels to find a good show. Well, it ended up choosing a DVD to watch. I watched the "THE BRAVE ONE”, A Jodie Foster Movie, the fact that I love Jodie as an actress so no doubt I will spend more time choosing what to watch. I usually watched all her movies. Anyway the story runs this way: Radio host Erica Bain (Jodie Foster) is working and living a wonderful life in New York City without a care in the world. One night she and her fiance, David (Naveen Andrews), are brutally attacked by three thugs in the park while being recorded by one of them. David is killed and Erica is beaten within an inch of her life. Erica is traumatized to a point where she cannot sleep and will not leave her apartment. To cope and work past this tragic event, Erica becomes someone else. She buys a gun and begins to roam the streets at night looking to take her revenge on the men who were responsible for killing her one true love. One late night, Erica is in the back of a convenience store about to purchase a soft drink when a man comes in and kills his wife, who is a clerk in the store. Erica is a witness and he comes after her, she protects herself and finds that it is very easy to shoot a gun. Days later, Erica is on the subway when she is about to be raped by two men, and again she protects herself. The City of New York is fascinated with the exploits of this vigilante killer, and NYPD Detective Mercer (Terrence Howard) is trying to catch this person, before he kills again. Later on Erica gets a lead of where she can find the three men in the park and goes there to seek vengeance. She manages to kill all but the last one, being then saved by Detective Mercer whom she had already befriended and let her kill the last thug using the Mercer's gun so no one would link her to the killings. That’s the story ended. Sometimes we think we have our own perfect lives but in a wink of an eye we seen our selves tormented with sufferings and trouble. In case of the character story that she put JUSTICE through her own hands.Well, what really I am trying to say that there are a lot of things that complicate our lives. I was touched by their conversations (between Foster and her neighbor). When Erica (Foster) was smoking outside the apartment, the African Lady (her neighbor) said to her: "That thing can kill you”, She replied: “ I don't care”. So the lady said: “Go ahead, Its really easy and there are a lot of ways to die but the hardest thing is finding ways to live”. I may not be able to say the exact conversation but I guess that would be closest to it... (He!He!He!). Seriously, I was touched with the statement and been guilty about it. I sometimes feel so hopeless, sometimes unhappy and don't appreciate life.

There were a lot of things that change in me. My perception in life, and the total outlook of my self, my family, my friends and the world are just some of it. I just can't really express what I feel right now, I feel so down and very clueless of the future that awaits me. I still fighting, figuring and struggling to live and find answers because of the people who still believe and loves me. I guess it is true, finding ways to live and to survive is a hard thing to do... I live a simple life but with what I've been into in the past and experienced before, I am proud that I overcome all of it and still here keep on that forward pace of my journey in this temporary life we have in the world we live in.

PAIN: Unavoidable CURSE in LIFE so YOU MUST DEAL WITH IT.

"The Greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain". Loving is a feeling that brings both joy and pain in the heart. Joy from being with people you loved, being filled with an emotion so deep and tender that no other feeling can compare, you feel secured and safe. Pain on the other hand, knowing that you're so in love, more vulnerable than you've ever imagine.

Ache, gripe, hurt, misery, pang, paroxysm, prick, sting, stitch, strain, throb, throe, tingle, torment, torture... anything you have to say about pain? Everyone of us can feel pain and are vulnerable to it. Yes its a true, fact that we a very complex being has a sure point of weakness, one thing that would tear me down and bring a hurtful teaching. This pain cannot be seen in the flesh like a wound after falling, the scars does not heal like a scratch wound or inflammation, this scar remain forever in our heart and time comes when it will bleed again, again and again. Rejection, failures in studies, failure in love, failure in different areas, relationship problems, disappointment's, rage, depression, sorrow, the silent tears that hides it self in me. Sometimes I really feel so weak that I don't have the capacity to handle situations. With all the aggravations and suffering in the world. I am not saying that living would brings me agony in life but as human we will be experiencing pain.

I experience this in my life, the human race have this common pain yet I don't seem to learn not to inflict it to others, instead of helping I make it worse, instead of being concern, I reject out of fear of being too concern to a depressed person, scared that they will just get themselves in a whole lot of trouble. How utterly ridiculous I can be sometimes and I am not saying I don't do it myself sometimes, I cant deny that I all have at least done something hurtful to someone else either consciously or not. Yes I am not that perfect, but I guess everyone does. I am not solely the one who feel this. I guess being aware of what I so with other people limit me to get involve more deeper with them. I admit that I my self I do have shortcomings and done havoc in other people's life.

The funny thing is how come when I try to help that friend in need, sometimes I don't know that all they want is an earpieces for just a while and not a microphone to point out the obvious mistake they already know they are facing. Its good I am, at least trying to help that someone but please don't tell them cliche thing, they already know it all, just sit and listen, if need be given them a crying shoulder or a hug, cause that's what they really need in this kind of time. The irony of it is, I also need that thing... Why I always ended up the one helping and listen to other people that I am also really needs it. Another clear thing is how I tend to make matters worse sometimes and I can be a witness to that, once I had some problems with the 'bird n bees' ahem! I was baffled how come I tend to lose out the girl I meet, so I went into a period of disappointment, my friends were very kind by showing me support, trying to comfort me. But what made me very upset is after that she herself went to get a boyfriend and starts to show off in front of me. I don't have a grudge against her but this makes me want to be better than her. My whole point is I know the pain that I go through, I can't help each other to get through this stage of hurt and suffering, can't help these people? Cant help them with their problems? Then all I can live life peacefully and happily. Do the pain is unseen but it has a great effect on that someone, like I say it can even kill someone.

One of the many basic questions on every human’s heart in life, especially as it relates to God, has to deal with pain and suffering. Why does God allow pain and suffering? Why do bad things happen to good people? I guess this makes us human... to feel pain... and in the end of the day learn and be stronger and better for the future. Feel free to respond if you agree, disagree, or have thoughts of your own about the issue that I address. But I thing I am certain... I am living in pain... not necessarily on loving someone but the totality of being a person, being an individual, being human... ITS UNAVOIDABLE CURSE SO YOU MUST DEAL WITH IT.

LIFE's PONDER: WHEN my LIFE get CAUGHT and TANGLED.

I've been in a situation before that I really wanted to end up everything. Seems like the world suddenly stop. That everything in me is ugly, unpleasant and undesirable. The people around me seems to be doesn't exist. My life stops, I'm in a most chaotic situation of my life. I don't know what to do. I'm on the most turbulent part of my voyage.

I said that none of this things will happened if I just have been careful with my actions and decisions that I have made before, but I have nothing to do with it. It is already there, I can't turn back time. It is impossible, sometimes I just keep on thinking things I really wanted to happened. What if? The only question giving me the freedom to escape from reality. Question that somehow in a little time, in a little way made me think that I still have hope. That somehow made me see my self better and see my actions and decisions as great as God's wisdom.

I haven't seen my friends for a while, and I am afraid that somehow they will forgot about a person that have been a part of their life. I'm scared to be left behind. I'm scared to be alone. I'm afraid to be in total darkness. My life is full of questions, unknown and never been answered. LIFE... A very BROAD thing...So hard to understand, so hard to dwell with, so hard to deal with, so hard to handle. You always try to be strong, try to believe, try to defy, try to pursue life as it is. I guess life is a continuous journey, a struggle of different chapters that you need to be filled in with learning, with pain, with suffering, with joy, with a lot of things to be worthwhile. You will say that sometimes you've done everything but in the end it will leave you with nothing, you need to share it with others without asking them something in return. In the end of the day if you've been treated badly and been hurt, you can say to your self that you have given your self to others and that you tried. It may sound so stupid but that's the reality. Life is a game, a race you lose or you win...others do everything, anything in order to win, whatever it takes. But for me, in the end of the day even though a looseeeeeeeeeer (not exactly), I am proud to say that I've been able to compete well and fairly.

I don't know how to end this up... LIFE? Hmm... that's how it goes....In life, we always search for answers because we want to prove ourselves that we had the right decisions, but the truth is we can't search for what's not there. Things happen because they're meant to happen. That's why we forgive people who don't love us and we smile despite every painful crash in our hearts. At the end of the day, the lessons you get are the answers to your decisions. These are the things that makes me as well as you a BETTER and a STRONGER PERSON.

HOOKED: There are no BETTER ways in EXPRESSING my SELF than BLOGGING.

My interest lies in my self - expression; what inside of me and not what I'm in. By all means, self - expression must pass into communication for its fulfillment. I am now starting a new BLOG SITE which will tackled on different issues and topics about LIFE, LOVE, PERSONALITY, MYSELF, THE WORLD, PEACE, ENVIRONMENT, RELIGION, POLITICS and anything under the SUN. I am here not to impress anybody but to express my self. I want to be HEARD and may able to give ENLIGHTENMENT to others as well as to EDUCATE my self.

I believed that he adorned whatever subject he either spoke or wrote upon, by the most splendid eloquence. For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, "It might have been". REGRETS in LIFE, FRUSTRATIONS, ANGST, LOVE, DESIRE and any EMOTION must be EXPRESSED.In any culture, subculture or family in which belief is valued above thought, and self surrender is valued above self - expression, and conformity is valued above integrity, those who preserve their self - esteem are likely to be heroic EXPRESSIONS. We deal with our own self, with our own persona that will affect people around us. Its up to us to see whether we are here to HELP or to DESTROY HUMANITY and the WORLD. Happiness is an expression of the soul in considered actions. With this actions we are affecting each and every creature in the WORLD. With our own little way we can change the WORLD. In this way, in our own little way we CAN.

In many ways we can express our selves the important thing is that we deliver the message and be understand by the people. In this case BLOGGING may be one of the best tool I can use to express my self. I amy be wrong or right to what I say, I am proud to say that I stood for wht I believe and I speak up with my mind.

Let me WELCOME you all to my LITTLE WORLD of self - expression and let us respond to what the WORLD calls. I am humbly, greatful, honored and delighted to SHARE my insights, aspirations, goals and dreams.