I've been in a situation before that I really wanted to end up everything. Seems like the world suddenly stop. That everything in me is ugly, unpleasant and undesirable. The people around me seems to be doesn't exist. My life stops, I'm in a most chaotic situation of my life. I don't know what to do. I'm on the most turbulent part of my voyage.
I said that none of this things will happened if I just have been careful with my actions and decisions that I have made before, but I have nothing to do with it. It is already there, I can't turn back time. It is impossible, sometimes I just keep on thinking things I really wanted to happened. What if? The only question giving me the freedom to escape from reality. Question that somehow in a little time, in a little way made me think that I still have hope. That somehow made me see my self better and see my actions and decisions as great as God's wisdom.
I haven't seen my friends for a while, and I am afraid that somehow they will forgot about a person that have been a part of their life. I'm scared to be left behind. I'm scared to be alone. I'm afraid to be in total darkness. My life is full of questions, unknown and never been answered. LIFE... A very BROAD thing...So hard to understand, so hard to dwell with, so hard to deal with, so hard to handle. You always try to be strong, try to believe, try to defy, try to pursue life as it is. I guess life is a continuous journey, a struggle of different chapters that you need to be filled in with learning, with pain, with suffering, with joy, with a lot of things to be worthwhile. You will say that sometimes you've done everything but in the end it will leave you with nothing, you need to share it with others without asking them something in return. In the end of the day if you've been treated badly and been hurt, you can say to your self that you have given your self to others and that you tried. It may sound so stupid but that's the reality. Life is a game, a race you lose or you win...others do everything, anything in order to win, whatever it takes. But for me, in the end of the day even though a looseeeeeeeeeer (not exactly), I am proud to say that I've been able to compete well and fairly.
I don't know how to end this up... LIFE? Hmm... that's how it goes....In life, we always search for answers because we want to prove ourselves that we had the right decisions, but the truth is we can't search for what's not there. Things happen because they're meant to happen. That's why we forgive people who don't love us and we smile despite every painful crash in our hearts. At the end of the day, the lessons you get are the answers to your decisions. These are the things that makes me as well as you a BETTER and a STRONGER PERSON.
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