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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

RE-EVALUATING LIFE: A process of Focusing on Things and Life's Direction.

Another day in my life... time running slow.. I really don't know why... I just feel it. I'm back again in this situation feeling so down and alone.... Again I feel so empty that I'm worthless and don't know what to do... I'm there but nobody see me... that even my own self can't even feel me.

I feel so numb... that even writing this blog... I don't know what to say... I just cant understand what I feel... I keep on asking my self but definitely I have all the answers in my mind... I have this longing and aspirations that I really don't know... Which and where my life will lead me....I keep on breathing, that even this thing feel so hard to do... Whatever life's purpose to me, I don't know what exactly will be in the future... a lot of anticipation... a lot of frustrations... a lot of mind bugling that affect me in all aspect of being an individual.. I feel so hopeless sometimes...

I always ended up to that dream of mine to live a simple life... to live my life in the the most remote place on earth with nobody knows me and life I spend will be so calm and simple.... Living with a tribe or indigenous people adopting their way of living and protect them from any culture and modern intrusion... I always wanted to live my life that way... I can see the horizon.. I peaceful and serene community living harmoniously... living in a low paced lifestyle enjoying every moment with kids, with community works and helping other people...

The time when I leave my family before, that was one of my proud moments for me... supporting my self and living independently... able to be responsible enough with my self but I ended up.. caught up drowned with social deviance and people's deceitfulness and pretensions... it's a disturbance living in denial finding my self... Now I'm here... alone and wanted to escape from this situation....to scream on the top of my lungs... to fight not just on my self alone but for others... i always wanted to help others. I guess it's just re-evaluating LIFE to attain better direction and track.

I guess there is nothing wrong asking things even if you already know the answers, maybe its just my way of analyzing things...at the same time reminding our selves...I want to live back through time when the world is not like this... but i guess it's impossible... anyway I would still be able to live a life I really wanted...

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