LOVE: Complex or Simple?

Since the start of time, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. When I was young it’s the usual question ask in an autograph by my classmates. I was really fun writing on their autographs. I just realize then that somehow at the young age I have a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word. Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s kind of funny when I read all of that stuff. Anyway what is love for us? I have a friend having a problem dealing with his partner. It’s really hard to keep a relationship…this is for the two of you…

1 Corinthians

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong,
but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things;
believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things.

IN CHEMISTRY:

Biological models of sex tend to view love as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst. Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the topic of love, divides the experience of love into three partly-overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust exposes people to others, romantic attraction encourages people to focus their energy on mating, and attachment involves tolerating the spouse long enough to rear a child into infancy.Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side-effects such as an increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding which promotes relationships that last for many years, and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin than short-term relationships have. In 2005, Italian scientists at Pavia University found that a protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these levels return to as they were after one year. Specifically, four neurotrophin levels, i.e. NGF, BDNF, NT-3, and NT-4, of 58 subjects who had recently fallen in love were compared with levels in a control group who were either single or already engaged in a long-term relationship. The results showed that NGF levels were significantly higher in the subjects in love than as compared to either of the control groups.

IN PSYCHOLOGY:

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives. Intimacy is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is permanent. The last and most common form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combination of these three components. Following developments in electrical theories, such as Coulomb's law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract analogs in human life, were developed, such as "opposites attract". Over the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true when it comes to character and personality; people tend to like people similar to them. However, in a few unusual and specific domains, such as immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who are unlike themselves (e.g. with an orthogonal immune system), since this will lead to a baby which has the best of both worlds. In recent years, various human bonding theories have been developed described in terms of attachments and ties.

I am may not a great person to say this but I have been in loved and been hurt before. I’ve been into several relationships and most likely all of those are unsuccessful. There are several reasons that ended up those relationships. Good or bad, the good thing about it is that I am happy now and even better. I may don’t have the authority to say this but somehow I have this huge and great learning with those relationships I have before. I am single now, living my self in accordance to my plan. Well it doesn’t mean that I will not engage my self to be in love or take into another relationship. I am open to it and well, not rushing things. I believe it will come in the right time with the right person.

Back to where should I be, again I have this friends whose relationship right now is in total chaos. Both of them are my friends and I really don’t know what went wrong. The other one wanted to end up everything and the other one is still in love with the other who is willing to settle things. I am a peer counselor before when I am college and I tried to guide them by not giving them advices what to do. As a guidance counselor you are not invoke for an advice but to guide them accordingly. Each and every one of us may have the same situation or should I say somewhat similar but the course of action on that particular situation might not be applicable to the other. So I guess I just want them to realize and made every decisions by themselves. Its easy to say if your not in that situation, but you ever thought that if you are caught in that situation you feel so damn stupid not to be able to solve that problem. It’s just normal; you are in that high emotional status where in emotions keep your critical thinking unstable. When I was in that situation when my partner wanted to rid off me, I really don’t know what to do asking and blaming myself what I have done. You feel so down seems your world turn upside down. You keep on thinking things what lack in your relationship, what you have done that person wanted their freedom? Its kind of hard for me, I feel I’ve been used just like clothes you can throw after you are over with it. Damn! It so hard that you can’t accept the fact that person doesn’t love you anymore recalling the first time you indulge your selves with "I LOVE YOU" everyday. Reminiscing how they promise each other that you will love each other till the end. I just don’t know if there are really people who are just like that or maybe it’s just me who think that. I tried to balance everything and tried to understand. To them they have nothing to say about me, I’ve been so damn good about the relationship but how come? What is the problem? I guess there are just relationships you need to have to experience pain and be a stronger person in the relationship you have. Some sort of a trial and error method, you keep on learning and learning and learning.

I have also experience a long distance relationship and been accused of being unfaithful for having been a friend in their place. How could that be? I made a chat with this person and we begin to have a little connection but that is not what you think to be intimate. I just wanted to burn time and the fact that I am clear about myself, my priority and my partner of course. Actually what really happened is that they meet up, the two of them. I was really upset about it maybe I’m jealous and I guess it’s just normal. The worst is I one the one accused of unfaithfulness. It’s really painful for me, I tried to fight about that but I was neglected and abandoned. I was left behind. And after several months I just know that they are already together. But I did not disagree with it and accept the fact. It hurts but I have nothing to do about it.

Guess what, we became friends. LOL! And the truth is there the one I’m talking about having problem with their relationship right now. Should I be glad about it? I may sound hypocrite but the truth is I’m not, I’m a little bit sad and I am hoping that they would be able to solve it if not they should settle in a nice way. Just like my other exes, I’ve been good and a friend with them already. It feels so good when you don’t have any hatred in your heart. You can fully live a happier life, a good one. Loving someone is taking a risk; you should be prepared your self to the worst. Every relationship doesn’t end in marriage nor last a lifetime. I guess the important things there is how you deal with it, how you handle it and hove you fight for it. I may be hurt several times but the chance to love and be loved is greater for me. Touching ones life and extending ones life to another is a great gift you can offer. Again love may be in different ways, may vary. In this case, we are being captivated and amazed by this wonderful feeling. It’s a circle of life, we stumble and fall and then we stand up high. We fall and rise, we learn!

The primary aspect of love is that it can help heal the wrongs of the world. While relationships change and the goals behind them alter with time, people will still need love. Love needs to be present to help discern the positive and negative aspects of this ever-changing world. Without love, the changes we make in our lives are meaningless.